


Not That Kind of Doctor

by dragonwings948



Series: TARDIS Fam [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Between Episodes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Feels, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Sort Of, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: In the midst of traveling in the TARDIS, Graham is still struggling to come to terms with Grace's death. The Doctor notices something is off, and even though she may not be a therapist, she wants to do anything she can to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rewatched S11 this past weekend and...poor Graham. I just felt so bad for him and realised that he was probably internalising his grief throughout the whole season, leading to his need for revenge in the finale. I knew that there was no way the Doctor would let him suffer alone, and plus I love the dynamic between those two, so thus this fic was born. Also playing around with the idea that the Doctor and Graham are sort of the "grown-ups" of the group and look out for Ryan and Yaz. :) 
> 
> Number of chapters might change!

            Graham stared down into the dark, steaming liquid in his mug. A few minutes ago, tea had seemed like a good idea. Now, however, he didn’t feel doing much of anything; not even taking the effort to raise the mug to his lips.

            Maybe it was silly, but every little thing seemed to remind him of Grace. One word. One smell. One sight. In the middle of action and danger he could cope, but now, when it was so quiet and he was alone, his thoughts roared.

            _Grace._

            Suddenly, Graham became aware of another presence in the room. He started, almost tipping his chair over. He grabbed onto the edge of the table and sighed. “We really need to get you a cat bell or something, Doc. You can’t keep doing that to me.”

            Her lips spread into a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Graham. I came looking for some biscuits. Thought you all were asleep.” She poked her head into a cupboard and frowned. “I think she’s hiding them from me.”

            Graham still wasn’t sure he understood the exact nature of the relationship between the Doctor and her ship. “Well, to be fair, you can put them away.”

            “Not helping!” She swept around the TARDIS kitchen like a tornado, searching every nook and cranny. Graham couldn’t help but smile as he watched her; sometimes, she was very wise; a couple times, scary; but then other times, like right now, she acted just like a child.

            The Doctor huffed as she circled back around to Graham’s table.

            “No luck?” he asked.

            “Nope!” She plopped down into the chair across from him with a sigh. “They’ll turn up somewhere. Maybe I’ll have a look under the console in a bit.” She studied him for a moment and her head cocked to the side, another childlike trait. “Something keeping you awake?”

            “Just…thinking, you know? Peace and quiet doesn’t come around much for me nowadays.”

            “Never liked peace and quiet,” the Doctor said. “Too much else to do.”

            Graham chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, I can see that.” As much as he tried, he couldn’t make himself fully engage in the conversation, and he knew the Doctor would notice.

            She just looked at him for a few moments. Graham marked how rare it was to actually see her sitting still; normally she was like a hummingbird, constantly fluttering about. Now, her eyes radiated that energy as she sat unmoving. Her voice was soft when she spoke.

            “What you said about grief is true, Graham. It does need time. But you know what else it needs? A companion. Someone to share it with. Otherwise, it eats away at you from the inside. Trust me, I know.”

            Graham knew where this was going. He shook his head. “Thank you, Doc, really, but I’m just…not ready yet.”

            The Doctor smiled a little and nodded. “Would you at least consider it?”

            The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint her or have her start worrying about him, so he decided to humour her. “Yeah. I will.” He frowned at her. “You are _not_ going to be my therapist though.”

            “Who said anything about a therapist?” Her eyebrows shot up as she stood to leave. “Besides, I’m not that kind of doctor.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so much fun writing this! Actually, from the very first episode of S11, the relationship that interested me the most within the TARDIS fam was Graham and the Doctor. They're the "older ones" of the group, so they understand each other on certain levels; but then Graham also challenges the Doctor on a lot of things. When it came down to it in this chapter, I realised that they're just totally comfortable with each other because they're more alike than they realise. It was really interesting for me to dig into that a little more. :) 
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy! 
> 
> (Also, I PROMISE The Test of Time update is coming soon! Hang in there!)
> 
> P.S. Please ignore the note down at the bottom, there's some weird glitch where the end note from the first chapter is being copied to this one, and I can't get rid of it!

            “And _this,”_ said the Doctor, gesturing grandly, “is the garden.”

            “Woah,” Ryan said, his eyes wide as he took it in.

            Yaz just stared, speechless. Graham was in awe too. The Doctor smiled at their gawking expressions; she’d never get tired of seeing them.

            Ryan reached hesitantly towards a leaf about the size of a small car and glanced over at the Doctor. “Can I…?”

            “Of course you can! Touch anything you like. Ooh, except maybe not the piranha plants in section B-6,” she added, recalling the time when one had almost bitten her hand off.

            Yaz gravitated towards a cluster of bright orange flowers, while Graham wandered further into the Space Florida palm trees. The Doctor took a short walk to check on her Venus flytraps (though they were _actually_ from Venus), gave them each a gentle rub on their heads, and meandered back to her friends.

            “This is great, Doctor,” Ryan said, his eyes following a rainbow-hued dragonfly that darted in front of him, “but can we see the arcade now?”

            Yaz looked back at him over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. _“Ryan.”_

            He scoffed. “You’re just afraid I’m gonna kick your butt at _Mario Kart.”_

            “In your dreams,” Yaz retorted with a smirk.

            The Doctor was about to tell them that she had once saved an entire civilisation by winning a _Mario Kart_ tournament, but she realised that something, or rather some _one,_ was missing. “Where’s Graham?”

            Ryan shrugged and pointed. “Dunno. He went that way.”

            The Doctor followed Ryan’s direction. “Graham?” she called.

            “Over here!”

            Graham’s voice led her to a fountain in the middle of the garden. The man in question sat on the edge of the stone basin with water droplets spraying his back, looking down at a frog that hopped on the wet ground.

            “I think we’re about to leave,” the Doctor said. Her words didn’t seem to get through to him, as he just continued staring. She watched the frog; nothing special about it. “Unless you’d rather stay,” she added.

            Graham shook his head and breathed a long sigh. “Sorry, Doc. Yeah, you all go on without me. I think I’ll just stay here for a bit.”

            The Doctor frowned at him. She knew she couldn’t leave him alone.

            “Ready for that chat yet?” she asked.

            Before he could respond, there was a rustle as leaves shifted and Ryan and Yaz appeared next to the fountain.

            “You all right, Graham?” Yaz asked.

            “Fine,” he said, standing up with a forced smile.

            Ryan’s eyes zeroed in on the frog. He walked over to Graham and patted him on the back. “Come on, old man, I’ll teach you how to play some video games.”

            “Actually, change of plan.” The Doctor slung her arms around Ryan and Yaz’s shoulders and guided them towards the exit. “I’m taking you two to the arcade. Graham and I need to have a…grown-up chat.”

            “Grown-up?” Yaz asked indignantly.

            “We’re grown-ups,” Ryan protested as they left the garden.

            The Doctor sighed. “I hope you realise you’re saying that to someone who’s over 2,000 years old.” They reached the arcade and the door swooshed open to reveal a dim room filled with flashing lights from game consoles.

            The Doctor released Ryan and Yaz and gave them both a nudge inside. “Have fun, you two! I’ll be back in a bit.”

            “Hang on, Doctor.”

            Yaz stepped into the arcade, out of earshot. Ryan kept his gaze downcast, digging his hands into his pockets. “Nan loved frogs,” he told her, glancing up into her eyes for only a moment.

            And now, Graham’s sudden wish for solitude made sense. The Doctor flashed Ryan a smile as she reached out and patted his arm. “Thanks, Ryan.” She turned and dashed back down the corridor.

            Once back in the garden, the Doctor found Graham exactly how she had left him, only looking even more melancholy. She didn’t say anything as she approached, but leaned against the fountain beside him. The little frog had moved, its webbed feet now right on the edge of dense foliage.

            Minutes of silence passed. “I think you were right, Doc,” Graham said softly. He sighed, and the Doctor heard a tremor in his voice. “It’s killing me. I mean, I think I’m fine, and then—”

            The Doctor pressed her lips together, still gazing at the frog. She didn’t need to look at Graham’s face to know how much he was suffering. She could understand his pain all too well.

            “I’m sorry, Graham.” She wished that she had the power to make everything right again. “I never meant for anything to happen to Grace.”

            It was a moment before he replied. “I don’t blame you. You tried to get us away from that thing.”

            “Then who do you blame? Because there’s always someone to blame.”

            “If I would’ve just put my foot down and kept her away…” He huffed a half-hearted laugh. “Well, I reckon she’d be here right now.”

            _“No.”_ The Doctor put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do that. Blaming yourself never works, especially when it wasn’t your fault. Do you think Grace would want that?”

            “’Course not,” he muttered. “But I just can’t let it go.”

            The frog hopped into the bushes with a cheerful _ribbit_. Graham shifted forward and held his head in his hands. He shook his head.

            “The first step is forgiving yourself.” The Doctor lightly squeezed his shoulder. “I know it’s hard.”

            “It’s more than hard. Do you how much it hurts when you’re falling apart but you have to be strong for someone else?”

            There was an itch in the back of the Doctor’s mind. Several itches, in fact. Memories. “I know exactly how that feels. Focus on that. Focus on Ryan. He might not know it yet, but he needs you.”

            Graham cleared his throat and clapped his hands together. “Right,” he said, standing up, “I think that’s enough blubbering for one day.” He finally looked at her for the first time during their conversation, his eyes red-rimmed. “Thanks, Doc.” A small smile twitched at his lips.

            “That’s what a fam is for, right?” She jumped to her feet and Graham frowned at her.

            “Still not sure I like that word.”

            “Aw, come on, Graham, respect the fam!” She sped ahead through the trees. “Hurry up, we need to meet Ryan and Yaz in the arcade!” She slowed down, allowing him to catch up, and then continued. “Did I ever tell you about the time I saved an entire civilisation by winning a _Mario Kart_ tournament?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place immediately after It Takes You Away. Get ready for some angst!

            The TARDIS engines started up, announcing their departure from Norway. Ryan and Yaz walked side by side towards the console room’s exit, discussing rooms in the TARDIS.

            “I haven’t been past the third laundry room,” Yaz told Ryan. “We could start there.”

            “Where are you two going?” the Doctor asked, stepping away from the controls.

            Ryan paused and looked back at her with his eyebrows raised. “Exploring. Figured you two would need one of your ‘grown-up chats,’” he said, using air quotes. He didn’t wait for an answer, but continued out of the room, saying something to Yaz in a hushed voice.

            Graham remained, leaning his weight against one of the crystal arches. He hadn’t said a word since they’d entered the TARDIS.

            “Graham…” the Doctor said, not quite sure where to start.

            “Don’t.” He shook his head. “I just can’t…I can’t do it right now, Doc.”

            She approached him slowly, keeping some distance between them. “All I wanted to say is that I’m sorry.” She waited a moment, but received no response. “I know it was hard, but you were great in there—”

            “No I wasn’t!” he snapped, finally meeting the Doctor’s gaze with a dark look in his eyes that shocked her. “I almost got us all killed! I fell for it completely, and now…” The muscles in his jaw tightened and he hung his head again. “Now I’m paying the price for it.”

            “Not everything is your fault.” It was like beating a dead horse; she knew he was hurting, but when would he realise that blaming himself wasn’t going to get him anywhere?

            “It _is.”_ He looked at her and huffed, straightening up as his voice rose in volume. “You don’t understand. Listen to me, Doc—”

            _“No!”_ Something akin to anger boiled in her gut as she leaned forward on her toes. “You listen to me, Graham O’Brien.”

            He snapped his mouth shut and stared at her with wide eyes, backing into the crystal.

            “What you went through today wasn’t fair,” the Doctor continued, lowering her voice. “But in the end, when it really mattered, you saw past your grief and found the truth. And that’s what you need to do now.” She placed a hand on his arm. “Blaming yourself is only going to bring more harm, not good. You’ll never be able to let go if you can’t forgive yourself. I know,” she added softly.

            Graham shook her off and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to let go,” he said. “I need to hold onto her.”

            “Not like this you don’t.” The Doctor tried to put a placating hand on his shoulder, but he swatted her away.

            “Leave it,” he muttered, turning to walk out of the room. The Doctor followed, but Graham flashed her a warning look over his shoulder that made her halt in her tracks. She watched him leave, head bowed, arms crossed, hunched over and tense.

            The Doctor frowned after him. Maybe, once he calmed down, he would listen to reason. At least, she hoped so, because over her several lifetimes, the Doctor had seen grief do awful things to people; even people like Graham O’Brien.

* * *

            Yaz sighed with relief when Ryan entered the garden on his own and not with an angry Doctor or Graham behind him. “You didn’t get caught,” she noted. “I’m not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed.”

            “Hey, it’s not fair they’re leaving us out,” Ryan protested, arms spread in innocence. “We’re supposed to be a team, right?”

            “I trust them. You should too.”

            Ryan scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well I’m glad I listened in, because they need our help.”

            Yaz raised an eyebrow. “How?”

            “They sounded angry with each other. Proper angry. Graham stormed off before they finished talking.”

            “Top marks for eavesdropping, Ryan,” the Doctor said with a smile as she entered the garden and stood beside him.

            Ryan pulled a face, like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

            “Just one tip though, you might not want to whisper about your plans next time.” She pointed her thumb at herself. “Time lord hearing.”

            Ryan sighed, and Yaz couldn’t help but laugh. “Nice one, Ryan.”

            “I’m not angry with Graham,” the Doctor continued. “It’s just a bit frustrating when he won’t listen.”

            “Is he all right?” Yaz asked.

            The Doctor nodded. “He will be. He just needs some time.”

            “Are you sure?” Ryan asked. “I could talk to him.”

            “Maybe when he’s ready. Right now I think he needs to be alone.”

            Yaz shook her head. “I can’t even imagine; that must have been so hard for him to see Grace.”

            Ryan sighed, staring at the ground. He dug his hands deep into his pockets. They stood in silence for a moment.

            “Come on, you two.” The Doctor waved them out of the garden. “You know what Graham would love? Some dinner.”

            Ryan chuckled. “You’re right about that.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place right after The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos!

            The four friends all breathed a collective sigh of relief as they entered the TARDIS.

            “Off to deep space, then,” the Doctor said, throwing the controls into motion. The TARDIS engines wheezed and the ship was thankfully smooth this time as it took off.

            Ryan patted Graham’s back and grinned at Yaz and the Doctor. “Hey, we did it.”

            “Yes, Ryan, we did,” said the Doctor with an equally wide smile. She stepped around the console until she could lean back against it. “We couldn’t have stopped Tim Shaw without each of you being the strongest you’ve ever been.”

            Graham couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride; it was impossible not to be moved by the Doctor’s approval.

            “How are we all feeling?” she asked, sweeping her gaze over them.

            Ryan shrugged. “Fine.”

            Yaz nodded. “Still a bit shaky, but…fine, yeah.”

            The Doctor’s eyes softened as she looked at Graham last. “Graham?”

            He smiled a little and breathed a deep sigh. “I’m all right, Doc.”

            “I know that wasn’t easy for you, Graham,” Yaz said. She pulled him into a side-hug and Graham warmed at the comfort.

            “We’re all proud of ya.” Ryan lightly punched his free arm.

            “Aw,” the Doctor said with a nose-scrunching grin, “come here, fam.” She grabbed Graham in a hug first, and Ryan and Yaz joined the hug on either side.

            The Doctor’s arms squeezed around Graham, and the action said more than words could. Hours ago, though he and the Doctor might have been side by side, their intentions put them worlds apart. Now their bond was mended; no, more than that, it was strengthened.

            The Doctor gave him one last pat on the back and pulled away. Graham felt everyone’s eyes on him, but he just looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. “I, er… I’m not good at saying this sort of thing, but…” He cleared his throat, still unable to meet their eyes. “I appreciate everything you’ve said, but I’m not strong. I’m really not. If it weren’t for you three, I’d be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. And that’s my point.” He raised his chin and met the Doctor’s gaze first, then Yaz and Ryan’s. “I’m not strong on my own. But with you three, I…” He swallowed hard and felt a familiar stinging at his eyes. “I’m the best man I can be. The man Grace would want me to be.” He nodded, trying to hold back the tears. “Thank you,” was all he had left to whisper.

            Yaz leaped on him first, pulling him into a tight hug. Another group hug ensued, and it took all the strength Graham had left not to burst into tears. Never, in all his years, would he have imagined looking at such a silly, ragtag group as this and calling them family.

            Ryan began speaking as they broke up, and Graham took the chance to quickly wipe his face clear of the few tears that had escaped. “Hey Doctor, can I steal a custard cream?”

            The Doctor sighed. “I suppose you’ve earned it.”

            “Yes!” Ryan rushed towards the console and Yaz ran by his side, racing him there.

            The Doctor stayed behind with Graham and squeezed his shoulder. “Overall, how’re you doing?”

            “Well, I feel better now that that monster is locked up and can’t hurt anybody else.” He hesitated, knowing what he had to do, and looked right into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Doc. I really am. I know I let you down—”

            “No you didn’t.” The Doctor smiled. “You proved to me that I put my faith in the right people. You, and Ryan and Yaz, are the best of humanity. And that showed today.”

            “Hey,” Yaz said, turning around with a teasing smile, “I thought we were putting those ‘grown-up chats’ to rest?”

            The Doctor put an arm around Graham’s shoulders. “Don’t think we need them anymore.” She looked over at him for approval, eyebrows raised.

            Graham knew that his grief wouldn’t magically go away. However, now that he had let go of anger and revenge, he felt lighter. He knew it would be a longer road to learn how to truly forgive himself, but it didn’t feel hopeless anymore. He trusted himself and his friends more because of what had happened.

            “No,” he said softly, “I don’t think we do.” He shifted his gaze to look at Ryan and Yaz. “Unless it’s to keep an eye on you two.”

            Ryan scoffed. “On balance, I’m pretty sure you and the Doctor get into more trouble than Yaz and I do.”

            Yaz grinned and nodded her approval.

            “Hey!” Graham pointed a finger over at the Doctor. “You can’t group me with her, she’s a trouble magnet!”

            “All right!” the Doctor exclaimed, releasing her hold on Graham.

            “No offense, Doc.”

            But she was already making her way to the console. “We’ll see about that,” she muttered as her fingers danced along the controls and sent the TARDIS into flight again.

            Ryan looked over at Graham with wide eyes. “Any idea where she’s taking us?”

            “No idea.”

            “Somewhere to prove her point, I’d bet,” Yaz said with a laugh. “Nice going, Graham.”

            “No chance of us getting a rest first, Doc?” Graham called over the engines as they landed.

            An alarm started blaring and a loud bell chimed somewhere deep within the TARDIS. The Doctor leaped back from the console as it sparked. “Woah!” She glanced up at them. “Right, team, ready for an adventure?”

            Graham shook his head and smiled. “Guess that’s a ‘no,’ then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love for this fic! I really enjoyed exploring Graham's character and his relationship with the Doctor a little bit more! 
> 
> I've got some more short TARDIS fam fics coming, plus a much larger episode length fic that I'm planning this year! Stay tuned! :)

**Author's Note:**

> The cat bell thing was something Ryan said in the S11 novel The Good Doctor and it cracked me up so much, I knew Graham would have the same thought XD


End file.
